i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
