he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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