he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
