mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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