i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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