If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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