"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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