If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
bring money and cleavage
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
