Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Boobs speak an international language.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
