Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
