I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
