it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
worst night to have a conscience
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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