so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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