Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
