Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
