Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
