So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
