So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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