Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
