Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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