The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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