like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
