You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
