hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
