There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
