Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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