Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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