I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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