You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
