i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
