I cockslap morals
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
