So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
