She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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