oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
whose parrot is this?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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