So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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