Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
