I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
