sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
