I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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