I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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