I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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