Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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