can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
