The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
