3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
