We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
