Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
