I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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