Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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