We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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