We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
