she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
